Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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