Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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