Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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