Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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