my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
