Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
