Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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