And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize