I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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