guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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