Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
its liver damage thursday
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
