Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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