Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
