and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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