If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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