I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
