The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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