How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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