My first STD was from a foam party
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
