11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
