dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
