He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I looked at my own cervix.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Randomize
