Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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