dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
