Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
