Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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