Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
