sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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