I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You smell like stripper and shame
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
