Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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