Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
