im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
