don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
