He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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