Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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