Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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