my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
