Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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