The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
