I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
