Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
