Plan B is the new Plan A
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize