i jhust puked up my retainher.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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