i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
