it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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