Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
