At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
