is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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