we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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