your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
