The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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