So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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