One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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