He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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