she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
