Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
