Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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