Where is the hickey?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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