Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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