I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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