Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
