Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
