I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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