Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
