I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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