I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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