You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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