um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
