wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
