I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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