you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
