does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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